Warning: This blog entry contains venom, acid, and spite. Read with care.
Okay, just when I started talking about honey and sunny in my last blog during one of my attempts at optimism, the Kultural Kapital has p1ssed me off again. Jeez, I miss Moscow. Not everyone loves Moscow. I understand. Different strokes for different folks. But I do. I love it for many reasons, but one is that stupidity is momentary there. Even it has to be fast-paced in that city. Only fun, smart times in Moscow. Oh, dear Russian rapper, Timati and fellow M.O.T. (Member of the Tribe), how your tribute to Moscow is playing in my mind now and how I must share it with my dedicated readers.
Watch -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoqJ1VdmlcU
Not in Petersburg I'm afraid. You know that expression, "A village has lost its idiot" ... or something like that? Well, apparently every city, village, municipality, incorporated and unincorporated district in Russia lost theirs at one time and their progeny now make up the present day population of Saintly Petersburg!!! Now I understand why Dostoyevsky wrote a book called, most fittingly, The Idiot! He moved back to Petersburg a few years before it was published and found tons of inspiration just by walking on the street, or heck, looking out the d@mn window. Some things remain timeless!
Venom!
(Ommmm, zen moment)
Okay, well what has me so irked you may ask? It's not really one thing. And it's something that one either deals with or must escape entirely (I will probably be doing the latter as I don't plan to stay in this city after next year): the behavior and behaviorisms of the natives.
Now, I understand every place has this. And in my time of living in many parts of the world, this has been something I have tolerated or never even bothered by. The Petersburg variety is one that particularly displeases me because of its, well, stupidity, thoughtless forwardness, and impoliteness, as wells as complete lack of manners and class.
How?
Point #1 -- There is a tendency in Petersburg to do an inordinate amount of thoughtless "at talking" to people.
Case in point -- I was sitting at a restaurant, eating my food and listening to music on my super cool phone quietly with my headphones on (read: avoiding the "at talking" of this city) and a young guy pesters me from the other side of the room, of course omitting to say "excuse me" or "sir", by blurting out, "Tell me how the WiFi works!" I heard some noise (that is, his voice) through my music, but ignored him. He then walks over and taps me on the shoulder asking the same thing ... disturbing my peace. I slowly brushed off my sleeve where his paw touched my shirt and gave him a very unenthusiastic, uncooperative, grouchy-as-f^ck look with a Mona Lisa smirk. He looked stunned, like I told him I ran over the Easter Bunny with a Hummer and then dragged its body around a rodeo. I turned back to my food and he walked away like he'd been stung with metaphorical poison ivy. But I didn't feel bad at all because THERE WERE NUMEROUS HELPFUL WAITERS AROUND who could have helped him better. Hmmph.
Point #2 -- People park themselves on the sidewalks.
Cases in point -- Okay, they don't exactly "park" but people here of all ages (not just the babushki) walk on the sidewalks so obstructively. They just don't watch where they're going! They're like that pokey little car that won't let you pass for 20 miles on some two lane highway in the middle of nowhere and can't walk in a straight line for the life of them! And when you try to pass them after repeated attempts, they *always* manage to get in front of you. The number of people I have plowed through is ... something I'm trying to lower! I really can't be specific on this one.
Point #3 -- Strangers ask you random stupid questions. Saying hello or doing something of a similar courtesy is not even on their radar. I'm just fine with being ignored by you, thank you very much!
Case in point -- Earlier today, as I was walking up the stairs of a building, I briefly passed by some "maintenance work" that looked like it had supplies that had been fished out of the nearest dumpster instead of purchased at a hardware store. No one was working around there and I walked by without caring to notice. I then walk up the stairs nearby and some warty old troll of a man -- who probably hadn't bathed since Gorbachev's reforms with the body odor to prove it -- was at the top of them unable to see the "maintenance site." He then randomly asks me (I am not making any eye contact with this creature mind you ... as anyone would), no, sorry, grunts at me, "What's happening there?" I noticeably ignored him and thought, "Why don't you just wobble your dumpy, alcoholic, discernibly lazy and likely hemorrhoid-ridden @$$ over to the balcony and take a looks-see?" Apparently, he was able to read my mind and scrutinized this "maintenance site" quite carefully. See, moving two meters can open be enlightening!
Point #4 -- Petersburgers are shameless moochers who don't know the concept of a job!
(Multiple) Cases in point -- Not that I mind being asked for a cigarette from time to time, but I do mind being asked at every occasion and every day I can think of! D@mn, people! There are far more smokers in Moscow and they understand that mostly you, uh, I don't know, HAVE. TO. F^CKING. BUY. your cigarettes!
Moreover, and this one is as bad as a human rights violation in my book, they ask to drink YOUR beer or even try to STEAL IT at the clubs and bars here! That is beyond wrong and unnatural human behavior, down there with mother-son incest and zoophilia!!! Maybe Lady Gaga want to share you germs and disease that would end up on the beer cup, but no one else does ... as well as the precious gift to mankind that is beer itself! Find your you vile little leeches! At one club, one young Petersburger not only stole someone's beer, which made them angry, he dropped it on the floor and broke the glass!
Lastly, mooching even happens in the check-out lines here. The other day I was waiting in line with my groceries and the cashier asked if I had a point card. I said no. Normal enough. Then, as the cashier was halfway through ringing up my order, one the of the girls behind me asks me to use her card for off MY order (in addition to hers which had yet to be rung up) to get herself more points! I gave this Bo Derek lookalike/wannabe one of my signature f^ck off glances and, like that young man at the restaurant, she looked like I had just ruined her day and giggled with her platinum, bleached blonde friend. It was as if she thought, "How can a man be so mean? I thought men were supposed to provide everything for me even if I'm not f^cking them?" Meanwhile, I'm thinking, "Ya know, Sweetheart, I know there's a severe domestic man-shortage for you and your girl here, and by the looks of you two, I'm sure you'd do *anything* for a visa or permanent resident status in the United States, Britain, or Europe, but is this any way to win over a man's charms? Asking him to provide for you with extra points on your card before even introducing yourself to him?"
Point #5 -- People here are just a bit ... broke down and unable to function efficiently. Sorry, I'd prefer a 1987 Lada.
Case in point -- I was at another restaurant and my waiter was nice ... but a bit dumb. Despite speaking decent English (which I actually commend him for), he didn't quite understand the concept of cleaning up a mess in front of a customer immediately. He came back with my order and accidentally knocked off some of the green onions atop it. They fell onto the table. That itself is not a problem. The problem is that he stared at the fallen onion cutting for about five long seconds or so and walked away with no clue what to do with them. Duh, maybe apologize and wipe them away??? Finally, about twenty minutes later ( I was looking at my watch) he came by my table and like some overfed dictator, I limply pointed to the onions and said, "Clean that up. Oчистите!" And he did. Beet red and embarrassed. I actually felt a little bad, like I hurt the poor little guy's feelings. But then I thought, no customer should have to clean up a mess that a waiter made without apologizing. That's really not too much to ask for!
So there you have it, venom and all. Petersburg is a special place. Not the way Disney Land is. The way that smaller than usual school bus or Timmy from South Park is. Sometimes I think that this city, despite its truly amazing arts and history, somehow became overrun by a bunch of Beverly Hillbillies who don't know how to take care of the palaces and historic buildings here, let alone display the minimum amount of manners for any kind of social acceptance. It seems they idolize Jethro and his family (below) more than the stately nobility of times past.
Oh well. I will say that my nearest Shokolodnitsa is an oasis in the middle of Dumbville and I think I might actually get a point card there. And I will definitely NOT ask any of my fellow diners there to get points off their bills. ;)
Okay, just when I started talking about honey and sunny in my last blog during one of my attempts at optimism, the Kultural Kapital has p1ssed me off again. Jeez, I miss Moscow. Not everyone loves Moscow. I understand. Different strokes for different folks. But I do. I love it for many reasons, but one is that stupidity is momentary there. Even it has to be fast-paced in that city. Only fun, smart times in Moscow. Oh, dear Russian rapper, Timati and fellow M.O.T. (Member of the Tribe), how your tribute to Moscow is playing in my mind now and how I must share it with my dedicated readers.
Watch -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoqJ1VdmlcU
Not in Petersburg I'm afraid. You know that expression, "A village has lost its idiot" ... or something like that? Well, apparently every city, village, municipality, incorporated and unincorporated district in Russia lost theirs at one time and their progeny now make up the present day population of Saintly Petersburg!!! Now I understand why Dostoyevsky wrote a book called, most fittingly, The Idiot! He moved back to Petersburg a few years before it was published and found tons of inspiration just by walking on the street, or heck, looking out the d@mn window. Some things remain timeless!
Venom!
(Ommmm, zen moment)
Okay, well what has me so irked you may ask? It's not really one thing. And it's something that one either deals with or must escape entirely (I will probably be doing the latter as I don't plan to stay in this city after next year): the behavior and behaviorisms of the natives.
Now, I understand every place has this. And in my time of living in many parts of the world, this has been something I have tolerated or never even bothered by. The Petersburg variety is one that particularly displeases me because of its, well, stupidity, thoughtless forwardness, and impoliteness, as wells as complete lack of manners and class.
How?
Point #1 -- There is a tendency in Petersburg to do an inordinate amount of thoughtless "at talking" to people.
Case in point -- I was sitting at a restaurant, eating my food and listening to music on my super cool phone quietly with my headphones on (read: avoiding the "at talking" of this city) and a young guy pesters me from the other side of the room, of course omitting to say "excuse me" or "sir", by blurting out, "Tell me how the WiFi works!" I heard some noise (that is, his voice) through my music, but ignored him. He then walks over and taps me on the shoulder asking the same thing ... disturbing my peace. I slowly brushed off my sleeve where his paw touched my shirt and gave him a very unenthusiastic, uncooperative, grouchy-as-f^ck look with a Mona Lisa smirk. He looked stunned, like I told him I ran over the Easter Bunny with a Hummer and then dragged its body around a rodeo. I turned back to my food and he walked away like he'd been stung with metaphorical poison ivy. But I didn't feel bad at all because THERE WERE NUMEROUS HELPFUL WAITERS AROUND who could have helped him better. Hmmph.
Point #2 -- People park themselves on the sidewalks.
Cases in point -- Okay, they don't exactly "park" but people here of all ages (not just the babushki) walk on the sidewalks so obstructively. They just don't watch where they're going! They're like that pokey little car that won't let you pass for 20 miles on some two lane highway in the middle of nowhere and can't walk in a straight line for the life of them! And when you try to pass them after repeated attempts, they *always* manage to get in front of you. The number of people I have plowed through is ... something I'm trying to lower! I really can't be specific on this one.
Point #3 -- Strangers ask you random stupid questions. Saying hello or doing something of a similar courtesy is not even on their radar. I'm just fine with being ignored by you, thank you very much!
Case in point -- Earlier today, as I was walking up the stairs of a building, I briefly passed by some "maintenance work" that looked like it had supplies that had been fished out of the nearest dumpster instead of purchased at a hardware store. No one was working around there and I walked by without caring to notice. I then walk up the stairs nearby and some warty old troll of a man -- who probably hadn't bathed since Gorbachev's reforms with the body odor to prove it -- was at the top of them unable to see the "maintenance site." He then randomly asks me (I am not making any eye contact with this creature mind you ... as anyone would), no, sorry, grunts at me, "What's happening there?" I noticeably ignored him and thought, "Why don't you just wobble your dumpy, alcoholic, discernibly lazy and likely hemorrhoid-ridden @$$ over to the balcony and take a looks-see?" Apparently, he was able to read my mind and scrutinized this "maintenance site" quite carefully. See, moving two meters can open be enlightening!
Point #4 -- Petersburgers are shameless moochers who don't know the concept of a job!
(Multiple) Cases in point -- Not that I mind being asked for a cigarette from time to time, but I do mind being asked at every occasion and every day I can think of! D@mn, people! There are far more smokers in Moscow and they understand that mostly you, uh, I don't know, HAVE. TO. F^CKING. BUY. your cigarettes!
Moreover, and this one is as bad as a human rights violation in my book, they ask to drink YOUR beer or even try to STEAL IT at the clubs and bars here! That is beyond wrong and unnatural human behavior, down there with mother-son incest and zoophilia!!! Maybe Lady Gaga want to share you germs and disease that would end up on the beer cup, but no one else does ... as well as the precious gift to mankind that is beer itself! Find your you vile little leeches! At one club, one young Petersburger not only stole someone's beer, which made them angry, he dropped it on the floor and broke the glass!
Lastly, mooching even happens in the check-out lines here. The other day I was waiting in line with my groceries and the cashier asked if I had a point card. I said no. Normal enough. Then, as the cashier was halfway through ringing up my order, one the of the girls behind me asks me to use her card for off MY order (in addition to hers which had yet to be rung up) to get herself more points! I gave this Bo Derek lookalike/wannabe one of my signature f^ck off glances and, like that young man at the restaurant, she looked like I had just ruined her day and giggled with her platinum, bleached blonde friend. It was as if she thought, "How can a man be so mean? I thought men were supposed to provide everything for me even if I'm not f^cking them?" Meanwhile, I'm thinking, "Ya know, Sweetheart, I know there's a severe domestic man-shortage for you and your girl here, and by the looks of you two, I'm sure you'd do *anything* for a visa or permanent resident status in the United States, Britain, or Europe, but is this any way to win over a man's charms? Asking him to provide for you with extra points on your card before even introducing yourself to him?"
Point #5 -- People here are just a bit ... broke down and unable to function efficiently. Sorry, I'd prefer a 1987 Lada.
Case in point -- I was at another restaurant and my waiter was nice ... but a bit dumb. Despite speaking decent English (which I actually commend him for), he didn't quite understand the concept of cleaning up a mess in front of a customer immediately. He came back with my order and accidentally knocked off some of the green onions atop it. They fell onto the table. That itself is not a problem. The problem is that he stared at the fallen onion cutting for about five long seconds or so and walked away with no clue what to do with them. Duh, maybe apologize and wipe them away??? Finally, about twenty minutes later ( I was looking at my watch) he came by my table and like some overfed dictator, I limply pointed to the onions and said, "Clean that up. Oчистите!" And he did. Beet red and embarrassed. I actually felt a little bad, like I hurt the poor little guy's feelings. But then I thought, no customer should have to clean up a mess that a waiter made without apologizing. That's really not too much to ask for!
So there you have it, venom and all. Petersburg is a special place. Not the way Disney Land is. The way that smaller than usual school bus or Timmy from South Park is. Sometimes I think that this city, despite its truly amazing arts and history, somehow became overrun by a bunch of Beverly Hillbillies who don't know how to take care of the palaces and historic buildings here, let alone display the minimum amount of manners for any kind of social acceptance. It seems they idolize Jethro and his family (below) more than the stately nobility of times past.
Oh well. I will say that my nearest Shokolodnitsa is an oasis in the middle of Dumbville and I think I might actually get a point card there. And I will definitely NOT ask any of my fellow diners there to get points off their bills. ;)
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